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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27776071">Pay it Forward</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milkyway_Bread/pseuds/Milkyway_Bread'>Milkyway_Bread</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Tales of the Gaang [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>5+1 Things, Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Katara is a sweetheart, Mom Friend Katara (Avatar), Precious Aang, Sort of Azula Redemption, Team as Family, Toph Beifong Being Awesome, Zuko (Avatar) is a Good Brother, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, Zuko has 5+1 siblings, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, Zuko is learning, sokka is a good bro, some fluff and humor, suki is a good bro</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:02:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,229</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27776071</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milkyway_Bread/pseuds/Milkyway_Bread</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's needless to say that Zuko never had a traditional upbringing. No matter how hard Uncle tried, there were just some things Zuko never learned, until he found himself among people who could teach him.</p><p>Or, Five times Zuko learns something from the family he has made, and one time he pays it forward to the family he was given.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aang &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Azula &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Katara &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Sokka &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Suki &amp; Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Toph Beifong &amp; Zuko</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Tales of the Gaang [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1825765</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>144</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>729</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Cay's Completed Fics, The Witch's Woods</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Forgiveness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Aang teaches Zuko of things that are given.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>First time writing something multi-chapter for this fandom, and the first time writing a 5+1 type thing! Enjoy :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong> <span class="u">i) Forgiveness</span> </strong>
</p>
<p>The sun disappeared over the western horizon as they glided through the clouds. A chill had settled, but the bison's fur was warm - much warmer than a ship full of Firebenders had been, somehow. A light wind ruffled Zuko's hair and he thought, with a muted sort of happiness - <em>I could get used to this</em>.</p>
<p>But he shouldn't. Atonement shouldn't be easy. He had seen the suffering Uncle had gone through, after returning from Ba Sing Se. For Zuko, who had done so much wrong, redemption <em>shouldn't</em> be easy. He would not let it be easy.</p>
<p>The tension that constantly gripped him settled once more into his heart as Aang lit a small fire in his palms.</p>
<p>"This way we can fly whenever we want!" the Avatar - <em>Aang, Agni he needed to get used to that </em>- said chirpily.</p>
<p>"Won't Appa get tired?" Zuko asked, careful to keep his voice neutral. It wasn't that he didn't want to go back to the Western Air Temple, he was just in no hurry to see the Water Tribe siblings again. It wasn't that he blamed them for their distrust - they were being a lot nicer than Zuko deserved - but it was just ... easier with Aang.</p>
<p>Which it shouldn't be. It should be the hardest with Aang - Aang should <em>hate</em> him, after everything.</p>
<p>"Appa said he can fly," Aang responded, yawning slightly, "Though I might get tired."</p>
<p>"I can take over," Zuko said quietly, getting ready to put up a fight, "I won't - "</p>
<p>"Awesome! Thanks, Sifu Hotman - "</p>
<p>"Don't call me that," Zuko said automatically. He paused, then frowned as his mind caught up, "Wait -  just like that?"</p>
<p>"Uh, yeah? I'm sleepy."</p>
<p>"But - I could hurt you! I was enemy just a couple days ago!"</p>
<p>Aang shot him a concerned look, "Are you gonna take me to the Fire Nation?"</p>
<p>"No!"</p>
<p>"Well then, what's the problem?"</p>
<p>Zuko blinked. Aang blinked back.</p>
<p>"You can't just <em>believe</em> me!"</p>
<p>"Why not?"</p>
<p>Zuko didn't know if it was frustration or confusion growing in him, but he remembered what the Firebending Masters had shown him, and drew in a deep breath.</p>
<p>"I <em>hurt</em> you," Zuko tried to explain.</p>
<p>"I know," Aang said, coming to sit gently beside him, "And I forgive you."</p>
<p>His fire was still lit, a soft heartbeat against the quiet world. Zuko could barely look the boy in the eyes, instead focusing on the flicker of orange. His throat tightened and he swallowed trying to get his mouth to move again.</p>
<p>"You <em>can't</em> -"</p>
<p><em>I don't deserve it. It shouldn't be this easy. You should hate me</em>.</p>
<p>"Zuko," Aang said quietly, making Zuko's head snap up and their eyes meet, "I <em>forgive </em>you."</p>
<p>"I don't deserve it."</p>
<p>Aang sighed, like how Uncle used to when he wanted to say something after Zuko expressed his desire to please Fath - <em>Ozai</em>. Distantly, Zuko realised how well Aang and Uncle would get along, over tea and Paisho and all the ways Zuko had failed them.</p>
<p>"When I was about six, I was super mad at Monk Gyatso. He was - he was my father, in a sense. I can't even remember why I was mad," Aang smiled softly, a faraway look in his eyes, "It must have been something so trivial.</p>
<p>"But I wanted to get back at him. I ended up breaking three murals," Aang looked vaguely guilty, but he was grinning now, "I felt absolutely terrible, you know. Those things were sacred to my people. I was ready to apologise when he said:</p>
<p>"I've already forgiven you, Aang," Aang made a funny voice, trying to mimic an old man, but Zuko could hear the thick emotion in his humour, "As long as you promise to break those uglier ones next time."</p>
<p>Zuko felt tears sting the corner of his eyes, as though he was the one remembering someone who history never deigned to remember. Aang chuckled wetly, wiping his eyes.</p>
<p>"I asked him how he could forgive me so easily," Aang explained, eyes shining and the fire in his palms brighter than Zuko had ever seen it, "And he told me 'forgiveness is something that is <em>given</em>.' Sometimes, people who don't deserve it are forgiven. And sometimes, people who do deserve it are not. It had nothing to do with how hard you atone.</p>
<p>"I forgive you Zuko, whether you like it or not, whether you think you deserve it or not."</p>
<p>Zuko felt something painful clench in his heart. "You should hate me."</p>
<p>Aang gave him a stern look, "I don't hate anybody. That's against Air Bending philosophy."</p>
<p>"... sandbender?"</p>
<p>"Exceptions."</p>
<p>Zuko scoffed slightly, knowing the kid was joking. For a moment, Zuko wondered how Ozai could ever fear such a little thing when Zuko had seen turtleducks more ferocious.</p>
<p>Then he remembered Toph's story about the Appa-incident, and the fact that Ozai tried to kill a thirteen-year-old.</p>
<p>"Go to sleep," Zuko said, "I'll take the reins."</p>
<p>"Thanks, you're a great friend!"</p>
<p>"Friend - "</p>
<p>Zuko was clearly the king of mess-ups, because Aang's face fell. But before Zuko could apologise, Aang grinned.</p>
<p>"Yeah, friend! I like you! Appa likes you too," Aang informed him sleepily.</p>
<p>"I'm honoured," Zuko murmured sarcastically.</p>
<p>Aang, clearly too innocent for the world, or perhaps too sleepy, murmured back, "Ha, honour."</p>
<p>Zuko bit back a laugh. As Aang's fire went out, Zuko lit his own to see better in the night. He remembered, quietly, how Uncle had slowly gotten him to light his fire after the Agni Kai. He remembered how awful he had been, how cruel and unyielding, and how Uncle had always forgiven him.</p>
<p>(Will Uncle forgive him, after Ba Sing Se?)</p>
<p>Zuko shook his head and chose to concentrate on the now.</p>
<p>
  <em>Forgiveness is something that is given.</em>
</p>
<p>Zuko wondered if one day, he could give it to himself.</p>
<p>The night dragged on, quiet except for the whoosh of air and the light breathing of Aang. The stars glimmered softly, and Zuko lost himself in the memory of the day that had just passed with the Sun Warriors.</p>
<p>His fire flickered orange. Then purple, green, blue.</p>
<p>He thought, with a muted sort of happiness - <em>I could get used to this</em>.</p>
<p>Behind him, his friend slept peacefully.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Is Zuko allowed to be sarcastic or is his entire humour arsenal dry humour?</p>
<p>Answer: only occasionally is he allowed to be sarcastic, because he usally can't seem to grasp it. Sokka has made it his entire mission to get Zuko to expand his humour range to puns.</p>
<p>Speaking of: next up is Sokka being a bro!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Trust</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sokka and Zuko share the same braincell. There is no other explination for the Boiling Rock.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong> <span class="u">ii) Trust</span> </strong>
</p><p>It was a quiet moment, almost too quiet. After the events of the Boiling Rock, and the boisterous reunion of the Water Tribe, it was unnatural to not hear a sound. Chit Sang's drunken singing was still ringing in Zuko's poor eardrums.</p><p>Zuko had kept to the distance, letting everyone enjoy themselves without Zuko being a bother. Toph had managed to drag him in, but parties tired Zuko out, and he didn't particularly like being near Hakoda this soon after Ozai.</p><p>Getting ready to head to bed, Zuko almost put the fire out before he noticed that someone was sitting beside it. Sokka was wrapped in a warm blanket, a silly grin on his face as he watched the last of the fire splutter out.</p><p>Zuko called upon the fire to make it grow, startling Sokka out of his reverie.</p><p>“Oh, hey!” Sokka said, sounding genuinely surprised, “That fire trick never gets old.”</p><p>“You should pay more attention to your surroundings.”</p><p>Sokka waved his hand dismissively, “We’re in the Western Air Temple, we’re safe.”</p><p>“We’re never safe.”</p><p>Sokka gave him a look, then softened, “You should probably relax. Not good for your heart, Toph says.”</p><p>“Because Toph is a great source of information.”</p><p>Sokka grinned, gesturing to Zuko to sit down. The firebender did, tense as always, and even more jumpy since the Boiling Rock because of – well, he’d rather not think about it. To calm himself a little, he played with the fire, pulling various shapes.</p><p>“Do Appa!” Sokka whispered conspiratorially.</p><p>Zuko stuck his tongue out in concentration, twirling his hands, feeling silly. Something vaguely six-legged formed before fizzling away. Sokka snorted.</p><p>“I can draw better than <em>that</em>,” Sokka said.</p><p>Zuko knew by now that the boy meant nothing by it, so he shot back, “Yeah, Toph said as much.”</p><p>“Exactly – hey!”</p><p>Zuko smiled. They settled into a silence that wasn’t quite awkward, which was definitely a feat for Zuko. He continued trying to make little shapes out of the fire, but he lost steam quickly, letting his hand fall and drawing his knees closer to his chest.</p><p>“So -,” Sokka started, “I had been meaning to say: thank you. For getting my dad back. For everything.”</p><p>“That was all your plan.”</p><p>Sokka looked almost scolding, “I could not have done this without you. Stop selling yourself short.”</p><p>Zuko disagreed but he knew better to voice it.</p><p>“I just want you to know that it only worked because I trusted you.”</p><p>Zuko stared, trying to discern if he was joking or not, “You trust me.”</p><p>“Well, yeah! Or else why would this have gone so well?”</p><p>Weakly, Zuko tried to explain “Your plan was great …”</p><p>Sokka was frowning, which made Zuko flinch back. The fire in front of them started to dim. Like with Aang, Zuko tried to explain it – he just didn’t deserve that sort of trust.</p><p>Sokka sighed, turning back to the fire. "Dad always told me - there's one thing needed for a unit to function. Without it, nothing in the world would work - monarchies would fall apart, relationships would be broken, wars would be lost. Any idea what it is?"</p><p>" ... Obedience?"</p><p>Sokka gave him a blank look, "Remind me to punch your dad."</p><p>“Okay,” Zuko said. Obediently.</p><p>“It’s trust,” Sokka said, maybe louder than he intended to. He stood, blanket falling of his shoulder, “Trust is the only thing that holds us together, dad says. If we didn’t trust each other, there was no way we could have done what we did in the Boiling Rock.”</p><p>Zuko was still not convinced. Sokka seemed to sense it, because he continued. A fire lit in his blue eyes, brighter than the one in front of them. His face was set.</p><p>“I trust you with my life. And I know you trust me with yours – you jumped from a platform to a gondola, and I caught you. That’s not something just anyone could do!”</p><p>Some part of Zuko’s mind was eager to agree. That stunt had gone so smoothly it felt like they had practiced it a thousand times.</p><p>“If we didn’t trust each other, there was no way you could’ve convinced me to stay for my dad. There was no way I would’ve <em>let</em> you convince me about that. If I didn’t trust you, there was no way I would’ve told you about Yue, and there was no way you would’ve opened up about Mai. If we –,”</p><p>“Okay, okay, I get it,” Zuko said, smiling, “Trust, comradery, all that.”</p><p>“<em>All that</em>?” Sokka yelled, but it came out more as a squeak when his voice cracked, “It’s essential to war, soldier! Understood?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“I don’t hear a yes sir!”</p><p>Zuko huffed out something somewhere between a sigh and a laugh, “Yes, sir.”</p><p>“Louder, soldier!”</p><p>“Yes, sir!”</p><p>“Do we trust each other?”</p><p>“Yes, sir!”</p><p>“Do we deserve that trust?”</p><p>Zuko paused. Sokka glared.</p><p>“…Yes?”</p><p>“LOUDER!”</p><p>“YES SIR!”</p><p>“Oi!” Toph yelled, slamming earth into them and sending them toppling over, “Shut up!”</p><p>Sokka and Zuko looked at each other and whispered, “Yes, sir.”</p><p>They could feel Toph’s triumphant grin from where they sat.</p><p>Once they were certain the earthbender had headed back to bed, Sokka took his seat next to Zuko, wrapping the blanket around him once more. The fire was back to its original strength, casting a glow upon the two boys.</p><p> “So … is trust also something that is given?” Zuko asked.</p><p>Sokka, not privy to Zuko’s conversation with Aang, shrugged, “It’s more of a two-way street.”</p><p>Zuko would need to keep track of all of this in his mind. It was a little difficult, trying to figure out what he could control and what he couldn’t.</p><p>Seeing his confusion, Sokka threw the blanket around Zuko and scooted closer. Zuko frowned.</p><p>“I’m a firebender. I don’t need a blanket.”</p><p>“Blankets aren’t only for heat,” Sokka informed him.</p><p>The blanket was a tad too short, so Zuko begrudgingly moved closer to the other boy. They sat together, shoulder-to-shoulder, thigh-to-thigh, two kids in a world of war. Sokka pulled the blanket tighter around them, and it felt like an embrace. One in which Zuko was willing to stay in forever.</p><p>“We don’t do this in the Fire Nation,” Zuko felt like he should mention. Not boys, not girls, certainly not Royalty and peasants.</p><p>Zuko felt Sokka shrug against him, his voice muffled as he lay his head on Zuko’s shoulder, “We do in the Water Tribe. Learnt it from penguins, you know. They huddle for warmth.”</p><p>“I’ve never seen a penguin,” Zuko admitted.</p><p>Sokka reeled back so fast that he nearly toppled out of the blanket-hug.</p><p>“You what?”</p><p>“Have never seen a penguin,” Zuko raised an eyebrow, “I wasn’t aware that was a crime.”</p><p>“Enough dryness. It’s on the list. Punch Ozai, introduce you to penguins.”</p><p>Zuko huffed, “Have you ever seen a turtleduck?”</p><p>“… No.”</p><p>“Three things then. Ozai, penguins, turtleducks.”</p><p>Sokka laughed in agreement.</p><p>“Ozai, penguins, trutleducks.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sokka is. So. Good. and. Story would be over in two episode if he could bend, we know this. The only other person who is as OP as him is Suki...</p><p>Yup, you guessed it. She's next.</p><p>Also, THANK YOU for all the kudoes and comments from the last chapter, I appreciate every single one of them!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Hope</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Suki teaches Zuko something he has always known, simply never acknowledged.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u"> <strong>iii) Hope</strong> </span>
</p><p>He was shaking, no matter how hard he tried not to show it. Aang, Sokka and Toph had noticed, coming to sit next to him. He leeched off their warmth, knowing it was shameful of a firebender to do.</p><p>But they had retired to bed, and Zuko was all alone, head on his knees, forcing his breathing to be even, the sight of blue fire dancing at the back of his closed eyelids. Leaving the Air Temple had been a shock, but seeing Azula again, so soon after the Boiling Rock -</p><p>Uncle used to complain about his heart not being able to take all the surprises Zuko threw at him. Zuko sort of understood that feeling now - having so many consecutive heart attacks were not fun.</p><p>"Couldn't sleep?"</p><p>Zuko looked up wearily to nod to Suki, who had taken a seat across from Zuko. He quite liked the warrior - no one had quite managed to break down his walls as quickly as she did. Perhaps it was her laid-back attitude, her easy smiles and her carefree laughs - she put Zuko at ease.</p><p>But tonight, her expression was just as tense.</p><p>"Me neither," she said quietly.</p><p>It surprised Zuko, even though he immediately berated himself for it. Of course she couldn't - Zuko wasn't the only one affected by Crazy Blue. They had all been hurt by Azula. They had all been hurt by <em>his sister</em>.</p><p>Thinking of Azula as family made Zuko feel queasy. Not in the same way Ozai did - that was vomit-inducing nausea - but more of a dull throb in his stomach. Zuko looked at Suki, her eyes hollow, and wondered if he <em>should</em> be feeling something. Hate, maybe. Maybe he should hate Azula.</p><p>(He definitely should hate Ozai.)</p><p>Suki rubbed her face roughly, giving him a tired smile, "Must've been terrible, growing up there, with the Firelord."</p><p>"It was - " Zuko gulped, "It was."</p><p>"I'm glad you're here."</p><p>Zuko smiled back slightly, but he hated doing it. He hated that he was always the one being comforted these days - she was his friend too; he should talk to her.</p><p>Hesitantly, he said, "About Azula ..."</p><p>"Don't you dare apologise for her."</p><p>
  <em>How did she know?!</em>
</p><p>Suki giggled slightly at his expression. Zuko took the opportunity to move a little closer to her. He made the fire grow warmer, seeming to put her more at ease.</p><p>"Do you want to talk about it?" Zuko asked.</p><p>Suki paused. Then, she breathed out raggedly, like she was holding back tears, "She's your sister."</p><p>Zuko laughed humourlessly, "I know."</p><p>There was a long pause, filled only their breathing, Zuko's meditative ones and Suki's shaking ones. He didn't try to touch her, but he didn't move away in case she needed him.</p><p>"I don't think I've ever hated someone this much in my life," Suki confessed slowly, like she was afraid Zuko was going to lash out.</p><p>Considering his history, it was a logical fear. But now, Zuko just felt tired.</p><p>"What did she do to you ...?" he said it as carefully as he could, so she didn't feel obliged to answer.</p><p>She breathed out slowly, "The usual threats anyone makes, I suppose. Bu - burn down my island, kill my friends - if I didn't tell her where you guys might be hiding. But then -"</p><p>She stuttered, moving to lean against Zuko. Awkwardly, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. She took a deep breath.</p><p>"But then, she started talking about Sokka. About how she killed him," she laughed, strained, "Kyoshi, she has an incredible imagination."</p><p>Zuko shivered, knowing exactly what she was talking about. Azula always had a knack for describing all the ways she could hurt a person before she even started to do so.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Zuko murmured. Then, at her glare, he added, "That you had to go through that."</p><p>"You're not apologising for something you can't help. That's progress!" Suki said.</p><p>She moved away, her shoulders squared once more, her smile less tense.</p><p>"But I knew she was wrong," she said firmly, "About Sokka. About everyone. I knew they were alive."</p><p>"How did you know?"</p><p>"I guess you could call me an optimist."</p><p>Zuko wasn't sure he understood. Suki must've seen his confusion because she chuckled. This time, it sounded more like her usual laughs, light and sweet.</p><p>"Right, I forget, this is your first time interacting with optimists. Do I need to give you a definition, oh Prince?"</p><p>Zuko felt his cheeks heat in embarrassment, "I know what it <em>means</em>."</p><p>"Ah, I'm just teasing," Suki said, poking him in the shoulder, "Being a realist must suck. No wonder you and Sokka get along."</p><p>"It's more practicle!" Zuko defended.</p><p>"That's right! Now add a wolf tail and a voice crack and you're literally him."</p><p>Zuko rolled his eyes, "It wouldn't be so bad."</p><p>They settled into a silence as the night dragged on. Zuko wondered if they should head to bed soon, if they wanted to be in shape for another day of training. But Suki didn't move, so Zuko didn't either.</p><p>"Hope is something beautiful," Suki said suddenly. She was looking down at her hands, like she was remembering something bittersweet, "It's fleeting and terrifying and beautiful."</p><p>Zuko looked at her, waiting for her to continue.</p><p>"I lost my parents to the war. I lost friends, I almost lost Sokka, and you, and everyone here .... some days, I didn't dare to dream. When I was in that cell, surrounded by grey walls and empty thoughts, and <em>her</em> laughter in my mind - I could barely hold on to hope. I knew I should, I knew it was all I had, but ..."</p><p>"What changed?"</p><p>Suki shrugged, "I woke up one day, remembering my warriors. Those I had led into battle, knowing that they could die. I remembered that this was a choice that we had made, because we believed in one twelve-year-old monk," she huffed out a disbelieving laugh, "I remembered the looks on their faces when I asked them if they wanted to fight.</p><p>"Kai, she asked me <em>why</em>. Why would we leave our home to fight something endless? Why would we march to our deaths? I looked her in her eyes, and I told her:</p><p>"I fight because there is hope. I will lay down my life for a future where our people will be free. I go to war knowing I will die, but I will die hopeful and free."</p><p>Suki looked up, her eyes blazing in the fire, "That's why I knew Sokka would be back for me. Why I knew none of you were dead. It wasn't optimism - it was realism. Because what is more realistic, more human, than holding on to something that could burn you just as easily as it could warm you?"</p><p>Her eyes were unwavering, determined, <em>breathtaking</em>. She was someone who would not turn away from the shadows, because she believed in the light that cast it. Her gaze ignited something in Zuko as well.</p><p>Zuko knew hope. Intimately. What else who have gotten him through painful nights after the Agni Kai? Through three longs years of endless searching and scorn? He knew hope, knew how it stung, and how desperately he had held onto it. He just had never given it a name, until now.</p><p>Suki suddenly realised how intense she was and backed down, "Sorry, sorry! Just rambling."</p><p>"It's okay," Zuko said, smiling, "I know what you mean."</p><p>Suki paused, her eyes narrowing. She studied him for a moment and then, after finding something, she nodded firmly.</p><p>"I know you do."</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Did I just use Zuko to simp on Suki? Yes. Yes I did. </p><p>Next up: Katara</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Talking</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Katara and Zuko talk</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u"> <strong>iv) Feeling</strong> </span>
</p><p>Katara had forgiven him.</p><p>
  <em>Right?</em>
</p><p>They hadn’t really talked about it much, past the hug. Zuko was fine with that, especially considering they had just moved into his family’s Ember Island house, bringing in a whole host of bad memories. He didn’t feel the need to talk about it, at any rate. It was over and done with.</p><p>Katara was staring at him again.</p><p>It was making him nervous.</p><p>“Your sister confuses me,” Zuko murmured.</p><p>“Me too, bro,” Sokka whispered back.</p><p>Zuko didn’t have much of a chance to figure it out, with Sozin’s Comet drawing closer every passing day. If his heart wasn’t pounding because of that, it was still pounding by stepping into the halls of his old summer home.</p><p>Which was why he spent so much time outside, barefoot on the beach. Waves crashed against moon-lit sand, bringing with them the taste of salt. His footsteps were soft as he approached the lone figure by the shore.</p><p>Katara didn’t look up when he approached, but she said, “Salt water is harder to move than normal water.”</p><p>“That makes sense, I guess.”</p><p>Katara hummed. She dropped her hands, and the water returned to the sea with an elegant twist. She sat down with a thump on the beach, and Zuko cautiously took a seat. She seemed tense, despite the fact that they were supposed to be on better terms.</p><p>Zuko had no idea how to make it better.</p><p>“My mother –,” Katara began suddenly. She stopped, filled her lungs with salty air, and continued, “My mother used to tell me that there was nothing that couldn’t be resolved without talking about it.”</p><p>Katara glanced at Zuko out of the corner of her eyes. She sighed when he didn’t continue.</p><p>“I know it’s naïve. She told me that because I was eight, and I was upset. But – I always held that close to my heart.”</p><p>Zuko hesitated, “Do you want to talk about something?”</p><p>“I don’t know. Do you?”</p><p>Zuko shook his head. Then, he stopped to really consider it.</p><p>“I’ve never talked about … stuff. Before now.”</p><p>Katara smiled, “Before Aang, I didn’t either. Sokka isn’t very good at sitting still and listening, unless it’s important. And to him, very little seemed important, back then. He’s gotten a lot better now, trust me.”</p><p>Zuko nodded in agreement, remembering his own conversation with the boy.</p><p>“I wanted to apologise for my actions,” Katara started, “I shouldn’t have treated you so horribly.”</p><p>“You have every right to.”</p><p>Katara got a hard look in her eye, “I did. That doesn't make it <em>right. </em>I should've been better than that. I might have been angry, but that isn't an <em>excuse </em>to be mean.”</p><p>“I think we could go around in circles talking about what both of us should’ve done.”</p><p>Katara smiled, “That’s true. We’re both equally stubborn, huh?”</p><p>Zuko smiled back, “I’m stubborner than you.”</p><p>“Oh, har, har.”</p><p>Water lapped at their feet at the tide moved up higher. Katara flicked at the water so that it wouldn’t get their clothes.</p><p>“I really hated you at first. Or, well, I hated that you did what you did, in Ba Sing Se,” Katara admitted quietly, “I trusted you for a moment. I thought you really had change and I was so <em>hopeful</em>. I know you never owed me anything, but for a moment, we really connected in that cave. I told you about my mother, and you threw it back in my face. You almost killed Aang.”</p><p>Her voice wasn’t angry: it was thick with emotion, but it wasn’t angry. Zuko opened his mouth to apologise, but his throat had clogged up at the sudden rush of regret.</p><p>“I was sceptical because I saw how easily you turned back to the other side that day. But I never considered where you came from, and what you had to go through. I’m not sorry for not trusting you, or for not forgiving you, but I <em>am</em> sorry for not trying to understand you better.”</p><p>Zuko nodded, unable to say anything. Katara pinned him with a kind, but firm look.</p><p>“You’re free to talk, you know. I won’t hate you for it, or judge you for it.”</p><p>“I don’t know what to say,” Zuko admitted, “Like I said … I’ve never talked about stuff before.”</p><p>It just didn’t happen, with Ozai and Azula. And Uncle - he never talked to Uncle, because that had always felt like a bterayal to his father.</p><p>Katara smiled, “Take you time. I’m here to listen, whenever you need it.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Zuko said softly.</p><p>Katara nodded. She turned back to the water, standing up. She pushed and pulled with the tide. It was entrancing to watch, the water moving with the body and mind. Fire was different – it came from within. Water was balance, it was duality.</p><p>“I used to hate water,” Zuko blurted out.</p><p>He stole a glance at Katara, to see if she was annoyed. But her eyes were on him, wide and open and willing to just <em>listen</em>.</p><p>Zuko felt a sting on the corner of his eyes. He blamed it on the spray of salt water.</p><p>“After – after I left home, all there was, was water. Everywhere I looked, an endless blue. At first, I blamed it on the nature of it – I was a firebender, taught that water was my natural enemy. But I never quite hated water before I ended up being on that ship with my Uncle. After that, I loathed it … sorry, I’m rambling.”</p><p>“You’re not, Zuko. I like listening to you.”</p><p>He paused, trying to figure out where he was going with this.</p><p>“I was just – so <em>sick</em> of it. Seeing it, day in, day out, stuck on a ship with people who either pitied me or hated me. I hated the ocean, I hated the ship, I hated Uncle, sometimes. I hated myself more than anything.</p><p>“But I never once hated Father.”</p><p>It felt like a sin, admitting it. His breath came out short, like a huff of self-loathing laughter. His eyes were stinging, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t blink it away. The heat of shame rose to his cheek.</p><p>“I – I hate myself, but I don’t hate <em>him</em>. How pathetic is that?”</p><p>Katara’s arms were around him in an instant, “It’s not pathetic, Zuko.”</p><p>Zuko wanted to laugh, but the sound he made was more of a garbled sob. He curled tighter into himself.</p><p>“I hate this place, I hate Sozin, I hate this war, I hate so much that I’m sometimes tired of hating.</p><p>“But I can’t hate him, Katara. I spent so much time loving him that I can’t. I know I <em>should</em>, but I – “</p><p>His breath hitched as he held back tears. Katara’s arms tightened.</p><p>“There is nothing you <em>should</em> do, Zuko,” Katara murmured softly, “Take you time. Feel what you feel, even if it doesn’t make sense. No one can tell you who to love and who to hate.”</p><p>“He is a monster.”</p><p>“He is.”</p><p>“He is my <em>father</em>.”</p><p>“He is.”</p><p>Zuko gulped, laughed slightly, “I’m so confused.”</p><p>“That’s okay, Zuko,” Katara smiled, “My mother used to say that knowing how you feel is the first step to knowing yourself.”</p><p>“I feel confused. I don’t think that’s a first step to knowing anything.”</p><p>“Hey! Who are you and why are you undermining Zuko’s feelings?”</p><p>Zuko found himself smiling, “I know how I feel about this group though.”</p><p>“Oh yeah?”</p><p>“I absolutely hate them.”</p><p>Katara hit him lightly on the back of his head, “We hate you too.”</p><p>When Zuko laughed, he tasted salt. He blamed the air, and not the tears on his cheeks.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>:( Poor Zuko</p><p>Next chapter: the greatest earthbender in the world</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Understanding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Toph kicks sense into Zuko</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>v) Understanding</strong>
</p><p>The war was over, and Zuko was faced with the greatest battle of his life - paperwork.</p><p>Zuko wanted nothing more than to collapse where he was. Just lay his forehead on the table and close his eyes, just for a little bit. Perhaps, lay down on the carpet, to ease the lightning wound in his chest. But he refused to flinch, spending his time checking over things - he wasn't even crowned yet, so he couldn't do anything concrete. If he showed a single sign of weakness, Katara was going to drag him to bed, Uncle would get tea ready, and Sokka and Aang would sit on him till he complied. Suki and Toph would be laughing.</p><p>Thinking about his family brought a smile to his face, unbidden.</p><p>With a sigh, he turned back to the paperwork. There was far too many of them for him to read within a day - he would need help organising. And help with all this <em>reading</em>. Ministers, councilmen - he had to use them or else he would never get by. But who could he trust, in this Nation that sat by and watched a thirteen-year-old burn?</p><p>He would have to figure it out. Figure out how to rule, with only six people in the world he trusted, and a Nation on the brink of ruin. Figure out reforms, and policies, and politics, because he spent most of his childhood completely oblivious. Uncle would not be around for much longer, or people would complain about puppet Firelords. Sokka and Suki and Katara and Toph and even Aang and then -</p><p>Zuko felt his heart beat pick up, thumping against his lightning wound. At least Azula and Ozai were gone. At least this side of the palace was untouched. At least he was here, alive, and his friends still close by.</p><p>Speaking of friends, his door slammed open. Zuko smiled, knowing the only one who would abuse expensive mahogany like that was Toph.</p><p>"Sparky!" she barked, grinning, "Still alive?"</p><p>"Not for long," he said dryly.</p><p>Toph lay a palm on his desk, and crinkled her nose, "I hate paper."</p><p>Zuko agreed silently, "I still have to do it. Since I’m - "</p><p>
  <em>Firelord.</em>
</p><p>He paused, the words refusing to form in his mouth.</p><p>Toph raised an eyebrow, then clambered over the desk. She pushed aside piles of paper, making more of a mess than necessary, and came to sit in front of him, legs over the edge of the desk, but not touching the ground. Startled by her trust, he stared up at her.</p><p>"What."</p><p>"I'm getting within punching distance. And now I'm taller than you!"</p><p>Zuko looked out the window, the sun barely having set. He squinted at her. "It's too early for meaningful conversations."</p><p>"Huh?"</p><p>"I have conversations only at night. Sorry, please come back later, with an appointment."</p><p>Toph threw back her head and laughed, "How sleep deprived <em>are</em> you?"</p><p>Zuko sighed. "I still need to get this done."</p><p>"Later, Zuko," she said sharply, "Katara said you need to stay calm, and I could hear your heartbeat down the hallway."</p><p>"Are you calling my heartbeat loud?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"I'm insulted."</p><p>"You should be."</p><p>Zuko smiled, feeling the tension ebb away. Being around Toph was cause for worry in and of itself, but trying to survive the earthbender at least kept his mind distracted from the life-threatening deal that was politics.</p><p>Speaking of politics, "I have no idea what I'm doing."</p><p>Toph was silent for a bit. And then in a quiet voice, admitted, "You and me both. I don't know what comes next."</p><p>Zuko - all of them really, had held onto hope of the war ending. But they had been so focused on it, they never really thought about what came after.</p><p>Toph kicked him lightly, breaking him out of his thoughts, "What's buggin' ya?"</p><p>"Do you know anything about politics?"</p><p>“I’m the blind daughter of a businessman who practically ran Gaoling,” Toph deadpanned.</p><p>“Is that a – “</p><p>“I grew up around politics! Though I never really cared much.”</p><p>Zuko shrugged, tired, “I’ll take anything, to not make them hate me.”</p><p>Toph hummed, “I remember the first thing I heard about that. You can never make everyone love you.”</p><p>Instantly, Zuko felt his heart rate pick up. Toph must have heard it even without her feet on the ground, because she kicked him.</p><p>“Stop panicking for ONE second!”</p><p>“I can’t, it’s who I am.”</p><p>Toph huffed, “Well, you’ll never make a good leader.”</p><p>Definitely not the right thing to say, if the pain in his chest was anything to go by.</p><p>“Wait, hang on. That’s not what I meant. Just listen for a second, okay?”</p><p>Zuko hummed in agreement. Either Azula's lightning had messed him up <em>that</em> bad, or he was just like this and only now realising it. Either way, he wasn't going to live till fifty if his heart had anything to say about it.</p><p>(Then again, the fact he lived till sixteen was a miracle -)</p><p>“Right now, everyone is your enemy," Toph said, haltingly, as if to try and find the right words, "And that sucks, but you gotta <em>understand</em> that. Understand where they are coming from, why they hate you. Understand why your Council Members and why the Earth Kingdom don’t see you like you want them to.”</p><p>Zuko asked, “What am I supposed to do about it?”</p><p>“Like I said. Understand. And don’t let that understanding become <em>compliance</em>. Whatever you do, put yourself in their shoes, but never become them. Understanding and acceptance is not the same thing.”</p><p>Zuko groaned and put his forehead down on her knees. She startled.</p><p>“Did that make sense?”</p><p>Zuko heaved a sigh.</p><p><em>Of course</em> they hated him. To his people, he was the traitor prince. To the Earth Kingdom, he was just another Firelord. They had no reason to trust him, to forgive him. But he could hope, if he just talked about it …</p><p>But it wouldn’t change the fact that they hated him. He understood why. But he would not let the Fire Nation’s hate for him stop him from ending this war. He would not let the Earth Kingdom’s hate for him stop him from building bridges.</p><p>He understood they hated him.</p><p>But he knew hate – he had once hated himself more.</p><p>Toph was right. That understanding was not acceptance. He didn’t particularly care about what people thought – he would rebuild this Nation with his own to hands if he had to.</p><p>“I get it,” Zuko murmured. This was the first time he had understood it right away.</p><p>Hesitantly, Toph patted his head, twice, before shoving it aside. She was looking away with a pout.</p><p>“Stop making me do feelings!” she yelled as she clambered off. Zuko grumbled in response.</p><p>He looked at the paperwork, dreading having to go back to reading them. An idea sparked into his mind.</p><p>"Hey, Toph. Can I ask for a favour?"</p><p>"What is it, Sparky?"</p><p>"Can you help me finish this paperwork? I'd ask Sokka but -"</p><p>"Zuko," Toph interrupted, "Go to sleep."</p><p>She slammed the door shut. Zuko stared, his mind trying to catch up to what had just happened. He had just asked her to -</p><p><em>Oh. She's </em>blind.</p><p>Zuko got out of his chair - carefully, to not aggravate his wounds - and curled up on the ground.</p><p>"IN YOUR BED FIRELORD!"</p><p>But Zuko was already drifting. The last thing he remembered was a little girl, glaring down at him with an exasperated sort of fondness.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Toph: *exists*</p><p>All of the Gaang's enemies: *nervous sweating*</p><p>Next up, we finally reach Azula. Buckle up bois, it's gonna be one long chapter. Might take a while to come out.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Paying it Forward</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Zuko learns that he cannot save everyone through the sheer force of will. (But that doesn't stop him from trying.)</p><p>Also, if there was a sixth lesson for Zuko to learn, it would be to take care of himself.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>THANK YOU FOR 5000+ HITS (even though I'm not sure how hits work). And for all the kudoes, comments and bookmarks (hey, I know how those work)!</p><p>CW: Canon-typical mental health issues and very minor violence.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Zuko lived everyday by the teachings of his friends and Uncle. He reigned in his temper, thought before he spoke, listened closely to his subjects, and tried to be everything he himself had wanted in a king.</p><p>Sometimes, he wondered if there was anything teaching he could impart to his people, but in the flurry of trying to live up to everyone's expectations, he didn't really have much time to think about it. Perhaps there were the generic ones - don't listen to your abusive father, don't believe in propaganda so easily, don't approach a mother turtleduck guarding her eggs. But he didn't have anything incredible that would go down in history books.</p><p>To be fair, Zuko would rather not go down in history books, as long as he managed to stabalise the country.</p><p>And perhaps, somewhere along the line, regain a sister.</p><p>He stood in front of the reception desk, hands shaking as he thought about what he wanted to do. His mouth felt dry and he couldn't get rid of the sandpaper in them no matter how many times he gulped.</p><p>"My Lord," Captain Izumi said, "You don't have to do this."</p><p>Zuko shook his head, "I have to. If I give up now, all of this is for nothing."</p><p>
  <em>If I can't help my own sister, what good am I?</em>
</p><p>He pushed his trembling legs forward, hoping no one noticed it was him. He opened his mouth, and spoke.</p><p>There was no wisdom Zuko could impart on this world, not like his friends had on him. There were no night time conversations for Azula, no long winded speeches of love. There was no easy way for her, for him, for his <em>nation</em>. Zuko knew that.</p><p>But he wouldn't give up.</p><p>"I'd like to see my sister."</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p><b>v) </b> <b>Understanding</b></p><p>Zuko played with the hem of his shirt (casual, Azula had sneered at it before she had turned back to the window) as he searched for something to say. Azula had her arms crossed defensively, trying to glare fire into the bars of her window. But she couldn't, being chi-blocked as she was.</p><p>A safety precaution, the doctors had explained. She had tried to escape twice before, one almost killing a nurse on the way.</p><p>"What do you want?" Azula snapped finally.</p><p>Zuko shifted slightly in the uncomfortable wooden chair, "Nothing, really. I just came to see you."</p><p>"Come to rub it in, have you?" Azula accused, eyes narrowed and voice high, "Mother's already done enough of that, for you."</p><p>"Mother?"</p><p>Azula clamped her mouth shut and refused to answer. She curled further into herself, like a caged animal.</p><p>When they had been younger, Zuko had prided himself in being the only one to truly be able to understand Azula. Her mood swings and her silent pleas for attention. Even Mother hadn't really fully grasped how much Azula craved attention.</p><p>Perhaps Zuko was an enabler, but he was a big brother too. He had spoiled his little sister as much as he could, before he left.</p><p>But he had left. And when he came back, it felt like there was a rift between them that could never be crossed again. Azula had changed, and so had Zuko. The world had changed too. They weren't children anymore.</p><p>He didn't even know where to start rebuilding this - this strange relationship they had. If there was anything to rebuild at all.</p><p>"How have you been?" Zuko asked finally.</p><p>He refused to flinch under her gaze, "How do you <em>think</em> I've been, <em>Zuzu?</em> You took away <em>everything</em> from me and you <em>dare to ask - "</em></p><p>She ground her teeth together so hard that Zuko could hear them. Her hands pulled at her hair, long and unkempt like her nails, a smudge of imperfection that another version of Azula would have died, if she saw. Perhaps this version of Azula <em>had</em> died, in a way. The same way Zuko did, at his first Agni Kai.</p><p>Zuko moved forward, and she stilled. Predatory eyes tracked his every movement, but he ignored them. Slowly, he took her hands away from her head and held them.</p><p>She let him <em>hold</em> them.</p><p>
  <em>Huh?</em>
</p><p>As if realising what he did, Azula snatched her hands away from him, pushing herself to the furthest end of the bed.</p><p>"Get out," she hissed, "I don't need more people in here. It's cramped enough as it is.'</p><p>"What - "</p><p>"GET OUT!"</p><p>"I'm only trying to help you. Please, Azula - "</p><p>Azula slammed her hands over her ears, "Shut <em>up, shut UP</em>. Why can't you just leave me alone, you pathetic whelp? Why are you always such a <em>bother? </em>Don't you get that I HATE YOU -"</p><p>Zuko hadn't realised he had been moving away until his back hit the wall. Never before had she seemed so much like -</p><p>
  <em>Ozai.</em>
</p><p>And Zuko had never been scared of his sister. Scared for her, scared for others, but never scared <em>of</em> her. This was the closest he had ever gotten.</p><p>Azula was laughing now, something about, "<em>Even you fear me</em> -"</p><p>Zuko didn't listen. He knew better than to listen to Ozai's words.</p><p>He left the hospital and kept walking. He didn't know where he was going, and he was vaguely aware of Captain Izumi calling to him, but he didn't particularly care.</p><p>He didn't stop walking even when the fresh air hit his nostrils. He didn't stop even when he knew that he was going into dangerous territories far away from the palace. He didn't stop, not until he could no longer feel lightning tightening in his chest.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It was days before he let himself think of Azula again. Between being a Firelord and being constantly reminded of Ozai <em>already</em>, Zuko didn't think he had the emotional fortitude to think of his sister for longer than two minutes. He made sure to listen to the doctor's reports of her and left it at that.</p><p>Until Ming, the Head of Staff, made the passing comment of, "My Lord, you're grown up to be quite a lot like Uncle."</p><p>Drily, he replied, "Bad jokes and an obsession with tea?"</p><p>Ming was old but getting younger and livelier every day. She had cycled through three Firelords and would tell anyone who listened that Zuko was her absolute favourite.</p><p>("You're my favourite too, Ming."</p><p>"That's not going to get you out of eating your dinner, My Lord.")</p><p>She had been around when Zuko had been a child, though they had never quite interacted, given their positions. Back then, she had been a quiet shadow, withering under Ozai's looming presence. Zuko was much the same.</p><p>"I'm nothing like Uncle," Zuko said absently, "I'm nowhere near as nice and wise."</p><p>Ming smiled, wrinkles becoming more pronounced, "You remind me so much of Prince Iroh. Just as much as Princess Azula is like - "</p><p>Ming cut herself off, realising her misstep, but Zuko's mind was already elsewhere.</p><p>Was he really like Uncle? He supposed he must be, a little, considering he was raised by him. So was it really a wonder that Azula was so much like Ozai? He couldn't blame her for it, no more than he could blame himself for blowing up yesterday, and consequently feeling terrible because that's <em>exactly</em> what Fa - Ozai would have done.</p><p>Looking around at these halls and high ceilings, once so cold and devoid of life, Zuko thought that maybe, he understood Azula just a little bit more.</p><p>And while it didn't give her any right to shoot him full of lightning, maybe it was a start to understanding her.</p><p>He knew how easily loneliness ate away at someone's mind. He had first-hand experience.</p><p>"She's not completely like Ozai," Zuko murmured, remembering the rarest moments from childhood.</p><p>"Ozai?" Ming asked, surprised, "You misunderstand, sire. I was talking about your mother."</p><p>Zuko didn't realise he was gaping until Ming gently closed his jaw, amusement glinting in her eyes. Her life at the palace had taken away her laughter, but certainly not her compassion.</p><p>"Don't get me wrong, my Lord," Ming said sombrely, "I hold no love for the Princess. She was ... cruel, to us. Never kind like Princess Ursa. But there's this resemblance I cannot shake," she looked away, contemplating, "They've always been so sorrowful."</p><p>Zuko blinked, twice, trying to reconcile that face.</p><p>"She's like <em>Mother</em>?"</p><p>Ming gave him a small smile, "Just a little bit. I still won't encourage you to see her, of course. She's quite unstable."</p><p>Sharply, Zuko said, "She's my sister. I'm not going to stop visiting her. I wouldn't know how."</p><p>"Of course, my Lord," she bowed, "Perhaps you're not quite like Prince Iroh. He was not quite as fond of his brother."</p><p>"No one's <em>fond</em> of Ozai."</p><p>Ming hummed, because it was <em>technically</em> treason to agree with that statement. Zuko steered the conversation to the problems with kitchen staff, and left the uncomfortable thoughts of blood family behind.</p><p>(Late that night, Zuko wondered if it hurt Azula to look in the mirror and see Mother. If it hurt as much as it hurt Zuko, who could never stop seeing Ozai in his own reflection.)</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p><b>iv) </b> <b>Talking</b></p><p>Azula was lying in bed when Zuko stepped into her room. It was his second time here and he was already tired of the white walls and bedsheets and uncomfortable wooden chair. But he knew he couldn't complain - all he could do was continue his budget reforms for the healthcare system.</p><p>He hadn't intended to come. But Uncle had come over from Ba Sing Se and forced him to take a break, and Zuko was too much of a masochist to truly consider <em>not</em> doing something in his down time.</p><p>So here he was.</p><p>"Hey, Azula," he said quietly, stopping himself before he asked <em>How are you?</em></p><p>Azula said nothing, he back turned to him. Zuko settled down for what he assumed to be a long wait. He was not going to run this time, he told himself.</p><p>"I thought I told you not to come back," Azula said after a full thirty minutes in which Zuko mentally revised King Bumi's (insane but actually crazy incredible) trade proposal.</p><p>"You said a lot of things, that day," Zuko said without thinking, too caught up in his own thoughts.</p><p>He flinched when he realised what he said, looking to Azula and awaiting an explosion. but Azula said nothing, not even turning to look at him yet. Zuko wondered if that was his cue to continue.</p><p>"The doctors mentioned that you weren't eating," Zuko ventured.</p><p>"The <em>doctors</em> are all <em>insane</em>. More than the patients here, you know. They are putting poison in my food."</p><p>Zuko startled, "You really think so?"</p><p>Finally, Azula turned to look at him, eyes glinting with something manic, "So you believe me? No one else does! Mother has brainwashed them."</p><p>... <em>Mother?</em> Last time, Azula clamped up when he asked about it. Maybe, he should ease into it this time.</p><p>"Someone tried to poison me last week," Zuko offered, "We're having trouble replacing palace staff."</p><p>"Just banish them all."</p><p>"Who'd cook, then?"</p><p>Azula paused, considering. Then, her eyes lit up, and she leaned forward.</p><p>"Mother would."</p><p>"Mother?"</p><p>Azula watched him carefully, "She was at the palace, the night of my coronation. That's why I <em>lost</em>. To <em>you</em>. This is all her fault."</p><p>Something heavy settled in the pit of Zuko's chest.</p><p>"Mother's been gone for a long time, Azula. No one knows where she is."</p><p>Azula's smile fell and she leaned away from him again. "She was there," she glared, "You don't believe me. No one does."</p><p>Zuko hesitated, no knowing what to say. But Azula wouldn't have listened, anyways, as she continued rambling, "I don't know. She was there. I saw her. You can't trust anything anymore."</p><p>She took in a shuddering breath, lying back down on her back. She was staring up at the stark white ceiling, not moving an inch.</p><p>"You can't trust anyone," she said, "Not even your mind. Everything <em>betrays</em> you in the end, dum-dum. I can't wait till that crown does you in too. I'll be there for you, like Mother was for me. Don't worry," she crooned, "Everyone will betray you too, Zuko. Starting with your little <em>girlfriend</em>."</p><p>Zuko's mouth opened and closed as his mind tried to comprehend her rant. He waited for her to explain.</p><p>But she said nothing more.</p><p>Zuko sat still for two hours in silence before he decided to try another day.</p><p>"Don't," Azula told him as he left, "Just stop coming back. I don't want to see you."</p><p>"I'm not giving up on you, Azula."</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Zuko came in the very next day with tea. And pai sho.</p><p>"What," Azula said more than asked.</p><p>"I brought unpoisoned tea. And pai sho."</p><p>The pai sho part was very important, Sokka and Aang insisted when Zuko had asked. They cited that they too had sisters, in Katara and Toph, and letting their sisters beat them in pai sho was very important for bonding.</p><p>Zuko believed them, mostly because Aang and Sokkan never let <em>him</em> win at pai sho. They plummeted him mercilessly.</p><p>Brotherly bonding was very different from sisterly ones.</p><p>Zuko set the tea pot and cups down on the table, pouring some for them. Azula glared, even as Zuko pointedly took a sip.</p><p>"You poisoned the cup."</p><p>Zuko paused, then swapped the cups, looking at her hopefully.</p><p>"You're stupid enough to poison yourself too," Azula pointed out.</p><p>But she picked up the cup and tentatively took a sip. She grimaced.</p><p>"It's terrible."</p><p>"All of Ba Sing Se disagrees with you."</p><p>"Earth Kingdom savages <em>would</em>."</p><p>Zuko surprised himself by grinning.</p><p>"So. Pai sho?"</p><p>"Get out."</p><p>Zuko looked at her imploringly, "I'm terrible at strategy and need someone to teach me."</p><p>Azula stared.</p><p>And stared.</p><p>And stared.</p><p>"What."</p><p>(Azula won in three moves. Zuko had actually been <em>trying.</em>)</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"I hate Mother," Azula said, their fifth meeting of pai sho, tea, and now light meals.</p><p>Azula had been eating a little, outside of Zuko's visits. The doctors had been beaming and breathless when they had come to tell him. He had felt his own heart flutter, and he knew it wasn't from the lightning this time.</p><p>"That's okay," Zuko said, moving a piece forward, "I hate Ozai."</p><p>Azula frowned, studying the board. Zuko had gotten better at pai sho lately. And he was still losing by a lot.</p><p>"Why would you hate Father? He gave you <em>everything</em>."</p><p>"He burned my face off."</p><p>"You deserved it."</p><p>"I didn't. I'm long past thinking that I did," Zuko said firmly, "Why would you hate Mother?"</p><p>Azula glared. Zuko smirked.</p><p>"I hate you."</p><p>Zuko nodded in acceptance, "You're allowed to feel however you want, Azula. You don't owe me or Ozai or Mother anything. <em>Father's</em> no longer around to tell you not to."</p><p>"Mother's not around either," Azula griped back, "You can leave."</p><p>"But I am so <em>close</em> - "</p><p>Azula won five moves later.</p><p>"Are you even trying, Zuzu?"</p><p>"My hardest," Zuko promised.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p><b>iii)</b> <b> Hope</b></p><p>Some days were worse than others.</p><p>Zuko had gotten better at predicting them, though he was not perfect. He knew on what days Azula would simply refuse to move, and what days she would berate Zuko on his pai sho skills and general lack of Firelordiness, and what days she would break the pai sho board in half (he had had to invest in five boards, so far). There were days where Azula was so quiet Zuko was scared she was dead, and days where she was screaming so loud that Zuko was afraid that <em>he</em> would be dead.</p><p>So, some days were awful, some days were bad and some days - just some - were almost normal.</p><p>Today was a bad day, Zuko knew instantly. Not a terrible one, but Azula was sitting with her back turned towards him, peering angrily through the bars of her window. Her arms were crossed, fingers twitching. Delighted, Zuko noticed that -</p><p>"You cut your hair."</p><p>"Shut up."</p><p>It wasn't an order to stop smiling though, so he kept smiling.</p><p>"I hate it," Azula seethed, "I can cut my <em>own</em> hair. I don't need - <em>I don't need them to attack me with those stupid -</em>"</p><p>Her speech became slightly distorted again, like it did when she was spiralling downwards. Desperately, he blurted out, "Remember how you wouldn't let anyone touch your hair except me and Mother."</p><p><em>Wrong thing to say, dumdum,</em> Zuko cringed, knowing the explosion was coming from a mile off. Last time - <em>last time she had to be sedated</em>. Oh Agni, Zuko was such a screw up -</p><p>Except she didn't move, not an inch.</p><p>Zuko had thought he had it pinned by now, her reactions to him speaking about Mother. For every moment Zuko tried <em>not</em> to see Ozai in her, Azula saw Ursa in him. It was a terrible mix.</p><p>Except Azula continued to surprise him. She sat there quietly, glaring and tense, but not attempting to kill him.</p><p>(To think of that as a victory really spoke volumes of their relationship. Some would call it toxic. But some would also call Toph cute, and Zuko <em>knew</em> what would happen then.)</p><p>"Azula?"</p><p>"<em>What?</em>"</p><p>"Want me to braid it."</p><p>Azula turned her head towards Zuko so hard that he was afraid she'd snap her neck. It seemed that she wasn't the only one full of surprises.</p><p>"Are you actually insane?"</p><p>Zuko gave her a look.</p><p>"Oh, so <em>I'm</em> insane."</p><p>"Your words not mine."</p><p>"I hate you. I actually hate you, Zuko. So Agni-damned much."</p><p>Zuko took a deep breath and let it out slowly.</p><p>"Love you too, Azula."</p><p>Zuko rendered her speechless long enough to start combing her hair.</p><p>(She scratched him when he started braiding.)</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Zuko almost won.</p><p><em>Almost</em>.</p><p>"I think that's the closest I've ever gotten," he said, content.</p><p>Uncle chuckled, a sound rumbling from deep within his belly. Zuko smiled back.</p><p>"You've been practicing, nephew," Uncle said, "I'm proud of you."</p><p>"Uncle, you're proud of me even when I wake up in the morning."</p><p>"That's something to be proud of, Zuko!" Uncle said, sincerely, "Spirits know my Jasmine Dragon would do better if I woke up as early as you did."</p><p>"Or if you hired a few helping hands," Zuko pointed out.</p><p>Uncle chuckled, "This old man still has a few years left in him, no need to worry."</p><p>They sat in compatible silence as Zuko cleared away the board and Uncle drank his tea. Zuko tried not to fidget, considering all <em>other</em> things he could be doing right now. But the world was in a time of relative peace, and he had been assured by his most trusted Ministers that he could take the day off <em>for Agni's sake Firelord Zuko, before you work yourself to the ground</em>.</p><p>"I do wonder, Firelord Zuko. Where did you learn to play so well?" his eyes twinkled, "I had not known young Aang was visiting."</p><p>"Oh, he isn't. Azula taught me."</p><p>A sudden tension seemed to settle in the room, but Zuko ignored it. Uncle seemed to, as well.</p><p>Calmly, he said, "I wasn't aware you were visiting your sister."</p><p>Zuko shrugged, "As you say. One arrow, two eagle-vultures."</p><p>Uncle hummed in agreement, "I am so glad that you two are reconciling," <em>oh, no, it's </em>that<em> voice, </em>"However - " <em>there it is</em>.</p><p>Zuko cut him off before he could continue, "It's perfectly safe. She's chi-blocked, and she hasn't tried to hurt me - " <em>except on occasion</em> but Zuko wasn't mentioning that.</p><p>Uncle frowned, "I'm simply concerned."</p><p>"I understand that, but please trust me. Azula's getting <em>better</em>. She really is."</p><p>Uncle hesitated, "You are very forgiving, nephew. But not everyone changes."</p><p>Zuko gestured to the two of them, "But we did! There's hope for her. I know it."</p><p>"Very well, Zuko," Uncle said, "I trust your judgment. Just remember to take care of yourself first. <em>You</em> come first."</p><p>"I will."</p><p>Uncle smiled softly, "I'm so proud of you, my nephew."</p><p>Zuko blushed, but he was smiling too.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>" - that was when I was <em>seven</em>. Every seven-year-old believes in Tamamo-no-Mae."</p><p>"Not every one of them have a <em>crush</em> on her. She's supposed to be evil, you know."</p><p>Azula huffed, "Dum-dum, first off, I did <em>not</em> have a crush on her. Secondly, she's not evil, she just knows what she wants and uses her wits to <em>take</em> it."</p><p>"Exactly. Smart and <em>super</em> pretty, right?"</p><p>Azula <em>flushed</em>.</p><p>"Shut up!"</p><p>"I need to get paid every time you say that to me."</p><p>Azula made her move on the pai sho board, keeping silent. They played in silence for a bit, eating the hot cakes Ming had sent with Zuko. He felt like a kid visiting a friend for a playdate and he was <em>revelling</em> in it.</p><p>He could get used to this -</p><p>"Father visited me."</p><p>Zuko did a full body jerk, his heart threatening to trip right out of his chest. Without meaning to, his breath came out short and he had to focus on making it even.</p><p>"What do you mean?" he asked, shaking hands moving his piece forward.</p><p>"Like Mother did. On Sozin's comet."</p><p>"So ... in your dreams? Sort of?"</p><p>"<em>No</em>, Dum-dum," angrily, she snapped a piece into place, "No one <em>gets</em> it."</p><p>Zuko put his hand up in surrender, "Okay. What did he say?"</p><p>Azula's upper lip twitched. She pushed another piece forward with more force than necessary.</p><p>"He called me <em>pathetic</em>. He told me I was like <em>you</em>," she spat out.</p><p>"Oh," Zuko gulped, "What did you say?"</p><p>"I told him that <em>he's</em> the pathetic one, for being defeated by a <em>child</em>."</p><p>Zuko stared at her in horror. Then, he smiled gleefully.</p><p>"Did you really?"</p><p>"What did I <em>just</em> say? Are you deaf in that deformed ear of yours?"</p><p>"That's impressive."</p><p>"He's going to <em>kill</em> me."</p><p>"I won't let him."</p><p>Azula glared at him, "And what are you going to do, Firelord Zuzu? Throw tax reforms at him."</p><p>"Tax reforms are serious business," Zuko said drily, "And no. I'll just throw the Avatar at him again."</p><p>He wouldn't do that either. Aang would never have to face that man again, not if Zuko had any say in it. If Ozai tried anything, he'd let King Kuei have his way and let the man be tried for war crimes properly. But Azula didn't need to know that right now.</p><p>She scoffed and reached forward to make her move. Her hand froze in mid-air, and withdrew.</p><p>Zuko looked down at the board.</p><p>It was a tie.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p><b>ii) </b> <b>Trust</b></p><p>It had been a long day. Zuko stretched, his spine cracking in satisfaction as he finally got out of his chair. His limbs felt heavy and light at the same time, moving through the sheer force of will. He rubbed his eyes, framed by permanent dark circles.</p><p>He felt like an old man. At <em>seventeen</em>. This was so unhealthy.</p><p>What was unhealthier was the steady onset of panic as he thought through the day he just had, reviewing every conversation critically. A single misstep could lead to a civil war, and Zuko was getting tired of the balancing act.</p><p>"Shall I tell the servants to send dinner up to your room, sire?" Captain Izumi asked, ever intuitive.</p><p>Zuko shook his head, "I should probably visit Azula."</p><p>He did so, every Sunday and he didn't want to break the rhythm.</p><p>But if he was honest, he <em>really</em> didn't want to see her today.</p><p>It wasn't anything she had done - last Sunday had been hard, but nothing they couldn't get through. It was more the fact that Zuko didn't want to deal with another explosion in the state he was in.</p><p>But he couldn't just <em>blow her off</em>.</p><p>As if hearing his thoughts, Captain Izumi said impassively, "You could always visit Princess Azula tomorrow. The morning, perhaps, when you are more energised."</p><p>"I don't know ..."</p><p>"You'll be able to help no one in the state you are in," Captain Izumi paused, then amended, "My Lord."</p><p>"Why is everyone such a mother-turtleduck," Zuko grumbled without much heat.</p><p>"Think about it logically," she said, calculated as she always was, "It would do her a disservice to see you when you barely want to deal with her."</p><p>Zuko flinched, guiltily, "I don't - that's not - I <em>want</em> to deal with her."</p><p>Captain Izumi didn't <em>give</em> him a look, so much as the look was permanently etched into her face. Completely unimpressed with his lies.</p><p>"I love her," Zuko said firmly, "But - "</p><p>"But sometimes we need a break from the ones we love," Captain Izumi gestured to a nearby servant, "I'll send word to the hospital she knows you won't be coming. And then to the kitchen to send your dinner up. Is that agreeable, Firelord Zuko?"</p><p>The thought of getting some food and sleep made all the protests die in his throat.</p><p>But guilt gnawed at him anyway.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"You weren't here yesterday," Azula said.</p><p>It was the first time she had ever spoken first.</p><p>"I wasn't aware you liked my company so much," Zuko said drily.</p><p>He was feeling a lot better, fortunately. He hoped Azula was too.</p><p>"I don't," she said curtly, and turned away.</p><p>Her legs were stretched out on the bed as she sat up against the wall, arms crossed. From where Zuko was, she looked a little like a pouting child.</p><p>"This place gets boring, that's all," Azula murmured reluctantly, "I enjoy tormenting you."</p><p>"Of course, I enjoy being tormented by you," Zuko joked.</p><p>Azula smirked back.</p><p>It was the little victories that made this all worth it.</p><p>"You know what I miss?" Azula said suddenly, staring out the window again.</p><p>Zuko tried not to inch forward in his excitement. This really was the first time she had ever opened up willingly.</p><p>"The - " she cut herself off, frowning, "No. Forget it."</p><p>He knew he had to tread carefully here, "Azula? What's wrong?"</p><p>Her eyelids twitched, "You're such an annoyance, Zuzu. Nothing is wrong. I'm <em>fine</em>," she huffed, "I hate you. I always knew you'd betray me of course, but I had hoped for better - "</p><p>Zuko felt something in him sink, "What do you mean?"</p><p>"You weren't <em>here</em> yesterday. You're - you're giving up on me."</p><p>Zuko's eyes widened in horror, guilt churning his stomach violently, "I'm not, Azula. I promise."</p><p>Azula glared at him, disbelieving. Then, she looked away.</p><p>"I miss my comb. The one Mother gave me."</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The comb was hard to find. It had been cleared away, along with broken mirrors and cut hair, a long time ago. Still, it hadn't been thrown out, on Zuko's insistence. Only misplaced, for a while. It would be easier to simply as a servant who knew where it was, but there was something cathartic about getting to know the nooks and crannies of his own home.</p><p>(<em>Home</em>. He still couldn't quite call it home. Not like Appa's saddle or the Jasmine Dragon.)</p><p>Eventually, Zuko found it in Azula's old room, a place he hadn't dared to enter before. It was kept to perfection, calculated to allow her escape routes should she need them. It was sparsely decorated, but elegant in its subtle flaunting.</p><p>It was impersonal, in the way everyone's room in the palace tended to be. Zuko himself had only just learned about personalisation and still he found it strange.</p><p>He grabbed the comb and headed out, wondering if he should bring anything else. He really just wanted to make up to Azula for what he had done.</p><p>(Later, much later, he'd realise he hadn't done anything <em>wrong</em>.)</p><p>The comb was heavier than he remembered, he noticed, but he didn't think much of it.</p><p>He really, should have.</p><p>He handed over the comb easily. He didn't think twice, didn't consult the doctors or the security. He was the Firelord, after all – in all his arrogance and righteousness.</p><p>Which was why he was where he was now, knife at his throat.</p><p>"Azula - ?" he asked in surprise.</p><p>She held the knife deftly, eyes shining with manic glee. In her other hand was the other half of the comb. It didn't take much for Zuko to put two and two together.</p><p>All he could think was -</p><p><em>Idiot</em>.</p><p>"I thought you were getting better," he said numbly.</p><p>It felt like she had already stabbed him in the chest. Or perhaps that was the lightning wound acting up. He didn't know, all he knew was that it <em>hurt</em>. Tears welled up in her eyes and all he could do was wonder why he had thought this would be <em>easy</em>.</p><p>Azula always lied.</p><p>Who was he, to make her stop? Who was he, so naïve and so, so <em>stupid</em> to change her?</p><p>"<em>Better?</em>" Azula spat, "I don't need to get <em>better</em> Zuzu," she laughed, high and cackling, "I am already <em>perfect</em>. How <em>dare </em>you think – oh Agni Zuko, you're so <em>pathetic</em>. You really thought I was going to play along with your little games?"</p><p>She pressed the knife into his throat, just enough to cut skin, "Let a turtleduck frolic in the wild with no predators and eventually it thinks itself at the top of the food chain. You think just because you decided to grow a <em>spine</em> I'd be compliant."</p><p>"But you said – that you told Father – "</p><p>Something hot was running down his neck. He didn't know if it was blood or tears.</p><p>Azula was laughing again, "I'm not <em>you</em> Zuko. Father will forgive me. He will be <em>proud</em> of me. And we will watch you burn <em>together.</em>"</p><p>Something hot and acidic climbed up his throat. Zuko gulped, feeling the knife move with his throat, "Then, how much of it was real? The pai sho games, the conversations, how much of it – "</p><p>Her expression stuttered, just slightly. Then, she sneered.</p><p>"I <em>hate</em> you, Zuko. What don't you understand about that?" she smiled, cold and cunning, like she used to when they stopped being children –</p><p>And when had that been? Had they ever been children at all, under Ozai? Or were they still children, stupid little kids playing with knives and crowns.</p><p>(She was fifteen, <em>Agni his sister was fifteen, please - </em>)</p><p>Something inside Zuko was breaking. He could feel it cracking, even when it had held so strong during his banishment, and long after that as well.</p><p>He had tried.</p><p>He had kept trying, even when it had been <em>insane</em> too.</p><p>And he should have known that this would end as it always did. In complete and utter failure.</p><p>Zuko ruined everything he touched. Azula was no different.</p><p>"Now, Zuko, you're going to listen to me, alright?" Azula said desperately, "We're getting out of here – "</p><p>"I'm sorry," Zuko choked out, closing his eyes in a desperate attempt to not break down right then and there, "<em>Azula</em>, I'm so sorry."</p><p>Azula growled, knife gripped so hard in her hands that her knuckles were turning white. Her eyes were feral and Zuko, in the little part of his mind that was downing, wondered how he could have missed this.</p><p><em>Again</em>.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It was easy to take down Azula, this time. He had been filling out, thanks to Ming, and she had been refusing most of her meals. It wasn't even a fight.</p><p>He called for the doctors. They sedated her while he held her down.</p><p>Azula looked peaceful in her sleep.</p><p>None of the doctors looked surprised by the outburst. Only pitying. They had all known this would happen. They'd probably all been waiting right outside the door.</p><p>He was the only one who had been fooled.</p><p>
  <em>Dum-dum.</em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p><b>i) </b> <b>Forgiveness</b></p><p>Zuko hadn't visited his weeks.</p><p>He wondered if this is how Uncle had felt, after Ba Sing Se. This ugly curl of guilt and betrayal squeezing at his heart and making it hard to breath.</p><p>(He had probably felt <em>worse</em>. And Zuko had put him through that.)</p><p>So, he let himself be buried under paperwork and bureaucracy and pretended everything was alright.</p><p>The door banged open, shaking dangerously on its hinges.</p><p>On instinct, Zuko said, "Toph, stop abusing my stuff."</p><p>"Thought you <em>lost your stuff</em>, Firelord," Sokka joked, stepping past the little gremlin earthbender and waving, "Hey, Zuko!"</p><p>Zuko grunted in exasperation as his friends streamed into his room, as though the Firelord was no longer entitled to his privacy.</p><p>Suki whistled lowly, "Zuko, look at this place! It looks so much livelier now! Where did you get these flowers?"</p><p>"Mai sent them."</p><p>"Aww," Katara wiggled her fingers at one of them, and it brightened under her attention, "How's she doing? I thought you guys broke up."</p><p>"Fine, and we did," he glared at them suspiciously, "Why are you all here?"</p><p>Aang pouted, "What, we can't visit a friend?"</p><p>"Of course you can," Zuko said hastily, then remembered he was supposed to be annoyed, "But not all at once."</p><p>Zuko looked to the paperwork on his desk in dismay before leaving them alone. Sokka tried to sneak a glance but Zuko waved him away, gathering them up and putting them into the drawer. No sooner had he done that, Sokka took a seat on the desk.</p><p>"What was in there?"</p><p>"Fire Nation secrets."</p><p>Sokka looked way too gleeful. Fortunately for Zuko, it has only been correspondence to minor Ministers. He would be <em>glad</em> if Sokka would read them and reply. He'd love to see those old codgers try to decipher <em>that.</em></p><p>"Anyway," Toph accused, immediately jumping onto Zuko's bed, dirty feet and all, "You've been worrying Uncle."</p><p>"What?" Zuko mentally ran through his last letters to Uncle to check what he had given away, "What did I do?"</p><p>From the windowsill seat, Suki quietly said, "You stopped talking about your sister."</p><p>Zuko winced at the air around them changed, as it always did when Zuko's family was brought up.</p><p>"Did something happen?" Katara asked.</p><p>He didn't really want to talk about it, not to them. Azula had <em>hurt </em>them.</p><p>But then, she had hurt everyone. Zuko, most of all.</p><p>(Ozai had been wrong. Suffering was not his teacher. Zuko liked suffering too much to properly learn from it.)</p><p>Zuko shrugged, feeling very stupid again.</p><p>"She did what she always does. She lied, and she manipulated, and she hurt someone."</p><p>"Big surprise there," Suki mumbled, a dark shadow crossing her features.</p><p>Aang gave her a look and turned to Zuko sympathetically, "I'm really sorry, Zuko. I know you really wanted to help her."</p><p>Suki grimaced, "Yeah, sorry. I didn't mean it like that."</p><p>She didn't sound very sorry. From the looks of it, none of them were particularly upset with this revelation. Sympathetic, on his behalf, of course – upset that he was upset – but they weren't too bothered by the fact that Azula was slowly rotting away in a hospital because –</p><p>Because she was <em>Azula</em>.</p><p>And as cruel as it was, no one was fond of Azula. In the same way no one was fond of Ozai.</p><p>But –</p><p>Sokka rapped his knuckles against Zuko's skull, "You alright there?"</p><p>"Yeah. Is that all you guys came here for?"</p><p>Sokka gave him a look, "You know, I might hate Crazy Blue, but I know you loved her. Love her? Super weird – but anyways, how are you <em>feeling</em>?"</p><p>"I thought she was getting better," Zuko admitted, "I know I was stupid to, but she was so <em>convincing</em>."</p><p>"She <em>is</em> a good liar," Toph pointed out, finally having stopped jumping and now laying down on the bed.</p><p>She looked comically small in such a large place. She was thirteen now, and complaining about how Aang was growing faster than she was. From afar, people might mistake her for an eleven-year-old still.</p><p>"Azula had been eleven when I left her. She wasn't always like this."</p><p>The others shifted uncomfortably.</p><p>Zuko knew that feeling. It was strange to think of her as a child, the way it had been strange to find Ozai's smiling baby picture. Strange, <em>uncomfortable</em>, to think of his own family as <em>human</em>.</p><p>"Are you gonna to keep visiting her?" Aang asked, ever the optimist, though it seemed strained, "I'm sure she'll come around – "</p><p>"Or she'll keep hurting you," Suki said bitterly.</p><p>They all looked at her in slight surprise. Suki didn't hold on to grudges, but Azula was a different story.</p><p>Katara hesitated, "I agree with Suki. Some people are just beyond redemption," she looked apologetic, but she didn't take her words back.</p><p>Despite himself, Zuko felt a spark of indignation rise in him.</p><p>"She's not beyond redemption," he said through gritted teeth, "She's just ... difficult. She needs help."</p><p>"Serious help," Toph said, grinning.</p><p>For some reason, that irked Zuko further, "I'm going to help her."</p><p>Silence. Suki huffed angrily.</p><p>"<em>Seriously</em>, after what she did?"</p><p>"It was one time – "</p><p>"She tried to <em>kill you Zuko</em>," Suki said, and to Zuko's horror, there were tears in her eyes, "She tried to kill me. My girls. Why do you have to – "</p><p>Zuko felt his insides twist. Aang was rubbing his chest, and Zuko thought that someone might have wrenched his heart right out of his chest.</p><p>"I know I haven't really met her as long as the rest of you have," Toph said quietly, "But that – <em>that day</em>, I felt Aang's heart stop ..." she cleared her throat as Aang gripped her hand tightly, "The point is, I agree with Suki and Katara. I don't like you being around her. I mean, this just proves our worries are justified."</p><p>Zuko fell quiet, his eyes seeking out someplace not occupied by his friend. They fell on the plants on the windowsill, so carefully tended to by Mai. Mai and Ty Lee, who had borne the brunt of Azula's abuse, worn down to the point where death or imprisonment had been preferable to pretending to be loyal to her for a moment more.</p><p>Zuko dug the heel of his palms into his eyes, seeing the dark spots dance.</p><p>He didn't know what to do.</p><p>He didn't want to give up on Azula.</p><p>But what if he was just wasting his time?</p><p>He looked to Aang, to see if he agreed with the girls as well, but the young boy was looking down at his feet. Zuko just wished they would understand.</p><p>She was family. Like they were. And there were just people in the world that Zuko would do <em>anything</em> for.</p><p>"Sokka," he said quietly, "What would you do? If it were Katara, instead of Azula? Or even if it had been Toph?"</p><p>Katara drew back, shocked. Aang gasped, "Zuko, that's not fair – "</p><p>"I wouldn't abandon her," Sokka sighed, but his eyes were unwavering, "I wouldn't give up on my sister."</p><p>Katara gave him a watery grin, pulling him into a hug, He flailed his limb unhappily, grumbling.</p><p>But he looked at all of them and said, resolutely, resignedly, "Zuko's right. I wouldn't give up on <em>any</em> of you. I guess that's how Zuko feels about Azula."</p><p>"But that's different," Suki yelled, "We would do the same for you! It's mutual! Azula would never – "</p><p>Suki glared at all of them, then turned to Zuko, "After all she has done, how can you just <em>forgive her?</em>"</p><p>"I haven't."</p><p>Suki paused, startled, "Huh?"</p><p>"I haven't forgiven her at all, Suki," Zuko said, shoulders slumping, "I don't know if I can. She's made it clear I can't trust her either."</p><p>Suki stood up, as if to storm out, but she stopped. She heaved a sigh, starting up at the ceiling and blinking hard.</p><p>"I hate this," Suki hissed, "I know I can't stop you. Nothing can. Just don't come crying to me when she hurts you again."</p><p>Zuko knew she didn't mean it. He opened his arms, and she walked into them.</p><p>"I hate this," she said again.</p><p>"I know. But I'm going to keep trying."</p><p>Sokka nodded as Aang gave him a wide grin. Toph huffed and Katara looked away.</p><p>"We don't like it," Aang said, for all of them, "Because we don't want you to be hurt. But we're here for you."</p><p>Zuko felt his chest warm, the awful twisting burning away. They weren't giving up on him.</p><p>And in turn, he wasn't giving up on Azula.</p><p>(Later, Zuko would realise that none of them had been <em>surprised</em> by his decision. Upset, angry, sorrowful, but not surprised.)</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>+1)</b>
</p><p>He stood in front of the receptionist's desk, back straight and feeling himself steel.</p><p>"I would like to see my sister."</p><p>The receptionist smiled, as though she had been expecting him.</p><p>See, Zuko lived everyday by the teachings of his friends and Uncle. He reigned in his temper, thought before he spoke, listened closely to his subjects, and tried to be everything he himself had wanted in a king.</p><p>And if ever he were to ask if there was anything he could teach his people, his people would reply that he had already taught them something invaluable.</p><p>It didn't make sense for someone to visit the person that almost killed them twice. For someone to visit their sister, who wished them dead. It didn't make sense for someone to visit Azula.</p><p>But it didn't make sense for Zuko to chase a hopeless legend for three years, to board Zhao's ship after nearly drowning in northern waters because of him, to give up everything to befriend the Avatar.</p><p>It didn't make sense for Zuko to keep fighting. To keep hoping. To keep <em>trying</em>.What would have made sense was for Zuko to simply <em>give up</em>. When the world, the Spirits, their own father was against them, most people would do just that.</p><p>But Zuko had never cared much about common sense.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"Hello, Azula."</p><p>Azula looked up, eyes widening, "<em>Zuzu?</em>"</p><p>Zuko gave her a sarcastic smile, "The one and only."</p><p>She watched him in disbelief as he set up the pai sho board and poured the tea. Zuko bit back a smile at the fact that perfect Princess Azula was <em>gaping</em>.</p><p>"What are you doing here?"</p><p>"Our weekly game of pai sho," Zuko winced, "Though, I <em>am</em> sorry for not coming the last few weeks. I had some things to work out. We're going to have to make our meetings bi-weekly from now on."</p><p>For his own sanity. And for everyone else's. He loved Azula, but he had to draw the line. He had to take care of himself.</p><p>"But, why are you <em>here</em>?" Azula pressed, "I tried to kill you."</p><p>Zuko looked her in the eyes, unwavering, "You've tried that before. It takes a lot more than a knife to kill me, sister."</p><p>"I - <em>what? </em>What are you playing at? What type of game is this?"</p><p>Zuko gestured to the board, "Pai sho."</p><p>Azula grabbed a piece and threw it at his head. Zuko caught it effortlessly, years of being the Blue Spirit not having sharpened his senses.</p><p>"That's not how you play, idiot."</p><p>Azula stared.</p><p>Shook her head.</p><p>Laughed.</p><p>"That's the first time you've insulted me," Azula said, sounding numb, "I've finally lost it. You're just like Mother and Father, aren't you? You're not real."</p><p>Zuko sipped his tea and moved the white lotus tile.</p><p>"Your move, Azula."</p><p>Azula's eyes flickered between the board and Zuko rapidly. Slowly, she pulled her knees towards her chest, burying her head between them. She stayed still for a long time, just breathing, then raised her face to rest it on her knees. Her eyes studied the board with a familiar, ruthless, calculating look.</p><p>Her hair was back to being unkempt. There was blood under her fingernails as she reached her hand forward.</p><p>She moved the silver horse.</p><p>Zuko smiled gently, "Maybe this time, I'll win."</p><p><b>+1) </b> <b>Keep Trying</b></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fun fact, I wrote an agonisting 10,000 words from this, Azula's POV - before realising it deserves its own fic. So she's getting her own fic, someday.</p><p>I then thought about changing this to the Fire Nation in general learning from Zuko, but that would be a waste of my 5-chapter build-up to this point, so here we are.</p><p>I'm still not exactly happy with this, especially the Forgiveness part - which is also the reason it took me forever to upload this. Sorry for how long it took!</p><p>Thank you for reading! Comments and kudoes and bookmarks are all highly appreciated :D</p><p>(Also constructive critism, please?)</p>
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